Wednesday, July 23, 2008
5dp5dt - bad news
Not only did I have, yet another negative pregnancy test, my period has started. This cycle is all over. All that illness with the meds and the flu, the money ($7000 out-of-pocket this round), the pain with the fluid from egg retrieval seeping into my abdomen. All the pethedine, the sickness with the progesterone. We are really pushing a big heavy load uphill.
This is exactly what happened with our IVF cycle in February. I started bleeding a week early.
I have called the clinic and I go in for a blood test tomorrow. That will prove this round is over. Then I can move on.
Where do we go from here?
My eggs and body are a lost cause. Actually no, perhaps my eggs can work, but my body is the problem. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a uterus at all. That way no-one can say to me ... "Hey, you can do this. Try just one more time." If I didn't have a uterus we would HAVE to go surrogacy, no questions asked. But I do. It's dodgy and it won't keep babies. My failure rate is now four miscarriages, two failed IUIs and two failed IVFs. And nothing ever happens naturally ... what a lovely dream.
I need to retreat, lick my wounds and think to the future. I also need t take action. I am not a quitter. I have never quit anything I have tried in my life. I will have my child in my arms this time next year.
Posted by Phoenix at 12:21 PM