Wednesday, July 23, 2008

5dp5dt - bad news

Not only did I have, yet another negative pregnancy test, my period has started. This cycle is all over. All that illness with the meds and the flu, the money ($7000 out-of-pocket this round), the pain with the fluid from egg retrieval seeping into my abdomen. All the pethedine, the sickness with the progesterone. We are really pushing a big heavy load uphill.

This is exactly what happened with our IVF cycle in February. I started bleeding a week early.

I have called the clinic and I go in for a blood test tomorrow. That will prove this round is over. Then I can move on.

Where do we go from here?

My eggs and body are a lost cause. Actually no, perhaps my eggs can work, but my body is the problem. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a uterus at all. That way no-one can say to me ... "Hey, you can do this. Try just one more time."  If I didn't have a uterus we would HAVE to go surrogacy, no questions asked. But I do. It's dodgy and it won't keep babies. My failure rate is now four miscarriages, two failed IUIs and two failed IVFs. And nothing ever happens naturally ... what a lovely dream.

I need to retreat, lick my wounds and think to the future. I also need t take action. I am not a quitter. I have never quit anything I have tried in my life. I will have my child in my arms this time next year. 


2 comments:

Jaymee said...

i am going through the surrogacy process, at the moment. please feel free to contact me. i know this is a difficult decision, and the pain of infertility.

Kymberli said...

I am so sorry to hear of how your cycle has ended. I truly hope and pray that as you stated, this time next year you and Bob will be holding your child.

I'm an experienced GS who has also overcome my own fertility battles. I am a contributing editor for a common blog called "Bridges" and I cover the surrogacy category. One of the things I have to do is write articles about surrogacy, but I also feature posts from and link to other bloggers. May I include you on my blog roll (which will also be linked on the site) and also include some of your posts about your surrogacy experience? The website is still under construction, but it is open for operation: http://awarenessbridges.blogspot.com/.

I will be following your journey, and I will be thinking of you.