Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Call me the stalker-queen of international surrogacy

So, I email a surrogacy law firm in the Ukraine yesterday. Why did I do that? I guess because I was bored and low in mood and needed my fill of the surrogacy world. When I am like this I research. I research anything and  everything. I need to keep my mind active so that fear and disappointment don't overwhelm me.

Today I receive a long email from the company assuring me that yes, they can help with ED and yes, they can match me with a Ukrainian surrogate mother. Not surprisingly, there was no reference to my request about their success rates or the background of the surrogate mothers, who they are, how they live, if they are experienced. One thing I decided long ago was that I wanted an experienced GS. I want our GS to have been through the process before and for her to know exactly what she is getting herself into. Sure, we will pay extra for an experienced GS, but that is money well spent. There was also was a lack of information about couples they have assisted in the past. It is all just too dodgy for me. 

I may be a trailblazer, but I'm not going to dip my toes into untested waters. I guess that makes not so much of a trailblazer, as the true meaning of the term is to go where no-one else has gone before. There are plenty of couples from Australia who gave gone the USA surrogacy route before me. There are couples I am in contact with who have been to,or are heading off to India, seeking their surrogate mothers. But I know of no-one who has gone to Ukraine for surrogacy. I will not the be the first. 

I am so impatient and want things to happen sooner than later. My life is very much on hold. I am waiting for two lawyers from Arkansas to return my emails. I am fortunate enough to have made an independent match up with a twice-experienced GS who lives in Louisiana. She is wanting to work with us. We've exchanged emails over the past six months and I have called her in the States twice. We just have to work out the legal logistics. Because she lives in a non-surro friendly state, we have to go to Arkansas to sign the contracts. The hiccup may be this: if she delivered in Louisiana, what legal protection would we have? I have been told she would need to deliver in Arkansas and she is prepared to travel out of state to do that. BUT ... and there is that but again ... babies have a way of showing up when their feel like it. What happens if she goes into pre-term labour and has to deliver in her home state? Will there be a problem with the hospital in Louisiana issuing a birth certificate in mine and Bob's names? We will be spending $2500 on a pre-birth order alone. Will Louisiana recognise an Arkansas pre-birth order? Will we run into legal problems with hospitals and the like?

There is so much trust that has to be found and placed in other humans beings in the surrogacy world. While I trust our GS and am comforted she is experienced and has three surro-bubs she has handed over to the parents, what if ...

What if she breeches the contract in Louisiana and we have an Arkansas contract that Louisiana courts don't recognise? Are we covered? If not, there really is no point in doing any legals. As much as this GS as been with us every step of the way thus far, we simply will not be able to proceed if the Arkansas contract means zip in her state. That would just be stupid. 

But I like her - so so much. And I do trust her. We have to keep emotions out of this and be sensible. The surrogacy horror stories one reads about in the media have one thing in common - no legally binding contract. How could we fight for our babies from Australia if something were to go wrong? No, if this legal glitch is a problem, we will have to move on, preferably to a surro-friendly state like Texas or California, a new GS and start from scratch.

Why haven't those darn lawyers gotten back to me? I need to know.


Rhonda and Gerry W said...

Hey I got an experienced GS too, this go around.

Amani said...

Fabuloso Rhonda. This is SO going to work for you hun.

As you can see I am stuck between India and the USA.

The problem is EDs ... how the heck do we get one to India?

I am sending Dr S every darn ED link I can find. Lol.

Kymberli said...

I know that you've been talking with your prospective surrogate for half a year, but I would have to caution against working with a surrogate who lives in a non-surro-friendly state. Even most US IPs are hesitant to match with couples from "bad" states, especially when both the IPs and the GS BOTH live in bad states. Like you said - surrogacy is filled with so many unknowns, that you really want to set yourself up for the best possible situation, even for those situations that are unexpected and unthinkable.