Saturday, October 18, 2008

Shit ... crap ... bum ... of a week

There's so much I want to write at present, just to get it off my chest. But I can't because there are hiccups, and problems, causing a delay, and a potential MAJOR delay (as in cycling in April 2009). I will not stand for that. But this is my blog, and it documents what I am going through, so I will write, albeit in cryptic words, whatever I want.

I will tell all once it has worked out one way or the other. All I can say is this. For now, I am upset. I have been crying on and off for the past few days. I have been cranky with everyone. My poor husband has copped the worst of my emotions. Even the dog is in trouble. I feel ripped off. I am not getting answers to very direct questions. I am not being supported with back-up plans, so have had to investigate other options.

I am now in the process of reinventing the ED wheel for Bob and I. At this stage there is a possibility that our donor will not travel. There are differing opinions about whether she will, or she won't, and they are medical reasons. At the end of the day, I trust my docs at SI and that is bottom line.

So, I have Plan B in action (God, how many Plan Bs have I had during the past four years of TTC hell). Now I feel better. I do not need the people who are not giving me answers. I can go elsewhere. I have been on the internet working out Plan B all afternoon. I need a break from all of this, but I cannot rest in peace until I have a solid Plan B in action. This time, I will not tell anyone about what I am doing, so there are no third parties to jump on my bandwagon and stuff up my plans.

Plan B will cost an additional $7000 AUD. We don't care. We are not super-wealthy by any means, but after our beautiful journey to surrogacy with Miss A in the USA, then the problems with a shrivelling and frightened global economy, just say, we are okay financially right now.

I have kept all these problems from Bob this past week. He doesn't need to know the nitty gritty of every email I send, nor the responses I receive. He has asked me to shield him from the daily ups and downs, because he cannot cope with disappointment and frustration as well as I can. He also has a job to do. His job is very stressful. He has work shite to concentrate on. That's the way we work. But most of all, Bob does not want to hear about problems, because he has still not healed from our last failed IVF attempt. He has not healed from losing a male blastocyst that I have long forgotten. Fair enough.

He did tell me this just an hour ago. We will do whatever it takes.

What a man!




1 comment:

JourneyofHope said...

ahhhh. I am sorry to hear that you are battling in the trenches right now. Hopefully soon, you will find the your right path and everything will fall into place. Whatever it takes is the best motto.