Saturday, January 3, 2009

So, where to from here?


Our little family, Bob, William and me.

We will continue on our journey to expand our family. I am so lucky to be step-mum to the most lovely child you could ever meet. Okay, I'm a bit biased, but truly, this little man is so important to me and such a joy to have in my life. I missed his life from birth to age six, but have been privileged to watch him grow and develop into a wise and caring ten-year-old during the past four years.

On being reunited with William after Mumbai, his first question was: "So any news on the babies?"
"No, sorry mate, not yet."
"So, why did you go to India?"
"Just to meet the people who will help us to get the babies".

He had thought we were going to get "the babies" this trip, but now knows they will come no earlier than November, 2009, possibly later. We have not told him the truth about surrogacy. He only knows we are adopting children from India. He continues to ask lots of questions about whether the babies will be girls or boys, or one of each. He wants to know whether they will have chocolate skin like him, or be caramel like Am, or vanilla, like dad. We cannot answer his questions and continue to distract him with other thoughts when conversation about the babies arises.

The reason we have not told him the truth about what we are doing is complicated. Neither of us want to give him definite answers when we are not even close to being pregnant. We don't think a ten-year-old needs to know about the ins and outs of IVF, reproduction, infertility and surrogacy. We don't want him to be confused, nor concerned with adult issues. We also are scared he will go to his mother with questions about something she will not understand, nor, most probably, think is a good thing.

The plan for us now is to cycle in February 2009. We depart for India on Feb 18, via Malaysia this time, and return home February 22. Dr Yash has given us dates for cycling of Feb 19 for egg pick up, and embryo transfer to our beautiful surro-angel Feb 21, give or take a few days either side as nature and cycling does not always go according to plan.

Had the Mumbai attacks not occurred we would now be well through our two week wait and know either way whether we were pregnant or not. I did feel disappointed that we were coming home with no news, but you get over these things. We will be cycling at the same time as a three other Aussie couples, and staying at the Sun and Sand together.

In February it will all become real. For now it seems that we have spent a load of money, had a lovely holiday, and are no closer to bringing William home his babies. I wonder if it will ever feel real? Creating one's children through surrogacy in India is not the ideal way to create or expand one's family. However, it is the only viable option open to us, and our fellow travellers, and for that we are so very very grateful. We continue to hope, but in reality there are dark days when we wonder if "the babies' will ever be in our arms.


Welcome to the funny farm babies. This is mum and dad and your brother William.

5 comments:

jojo said...

aah, that's beautiful, am. your babies are very lucky.

x

ps - the word verification for this post is 'maumm'. :)

Carrie Jo said...

Amani,

I hope and pray that in a few months, you will be figuring out what you want to tell your step-son about his new brother(s)/sister(s). Can't wait to hear all the craziness in February!

switzertwins said...

No else is gonna say it so I will. Good on Ya, Bob! Amani is HOT!!

:)

Amani said...

Brain! I am blushing now. I've haven't been "hot" for ages. Love the compliment though.

jojo said...

i'm not bullshitting u, am...the word verification for this post is 'eptate'.

so, by my reckoning, maumm eptate translates into expectant mum.

i am very good at reading the future. x