Sunday, January 11, 2009

We bought a little two-bedroom brick and tile 1950's house in June 2006. We did the "right" thing and bought the crappiest house in the best street, with the best view in an up-and-coming suburb. Two-and-a-half years along, we are pouring out of our little abode. Image a two bedroom unit. That's what we live in. Fine for two people, but not a third body (Willo) who requires his own space and official place in our home. The major problem is that I do actually do some work from home on occasion. I moved from Brisbane to start my new life with Bob in August 2005. I carted all my crap over from Brisbane. I brought over most of my furniture, kitchenware, electrical equipment, piano ... and 15 years worth of stock.

Now the stock is the major problem. To use the stock I have to sew. To sew I have to have room. To have room I need the extension. My business is on hold, but I have around $20,000 of beading, fabrics, sequin motifs, trims, threads - in retail vale - around $60,000. I have my website done. If anyone's interested you can check out what I do at I think it's still up, but really haven't looked at it for ages.

It has taken two years to get the "perfect" plans for our extension. We've have gone through so many changes in our life together since we bought this house. Initially we had two children (both Bob's) so we designed everything around two soon-to-be teenagers. Bob's eldest boy elected to have no contact with dad ... it's a long and ugly story that I won't go into. Now there is just one boy, but hopefully one or two more on the way through surrogacy.

We were never going to have children of our own, primarily because of the chaos of a marriage breakdown involving children, courts, lawyers, psychologists, family reports and a mother of two boys who decided they were her property. Once things had settled down, we looked into inter-country adoption. The plan then became one part-time child, (hoping he would be with us full-time one day) and one, preferably two adopted children, plus a room for the prodigal son. Nope. Couldn't adopt, didn't fit the criteria. So it was onto IVF. The plan was pretty much the same. Always a room for William part or full-time, one for the prodigal son and a room for a baby or babies.

IVF failed. Our chances were never good. Come 2007 I was completely and utterly over the whole IVF/surrogacy thing. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to be a good step-mother and a good aunt to the children who were already in my life. I wanted to help homeless children and be a foster mum. I seriously looked into fostering at that time, only to find that it is a really horrible situation for both foster kids and foster parents. At the end of the day, one important question a prospective foster parent has to answer is "Are you considering becoming a foster parent with the view to keeping the children fostered to you long-term?" I had to answer yes. In my heart and at the back of my mind I hoped we would "be issued" a foster child whose parents remained screwed up and I would get to keep their kids. No, I did not have the right attitude. I was thinking more about me as a mother and Bob and I as parents, than the emotional welfare of the children to be placed in our care.

Hence my return to uni, and the change of building plans from something small and affordable to a big-arse two-level, six bedroom, three lounge room, three bathroom monstrosity that we could just afford. With no kids.

Looking at those plans we both became really sad. What was the point of having a huge house with no-one to fill it? We're not exactly social-type people, we don't entertain, we have few visitors and few occasions to fill a huge house. Those big old beautiful house plans went into the bin, along with the $300,000 price tag.

And then came surrogacy. Thank God! Now we can have a modest house that fits us, our part-time child, our soon to be conceived full time children, and ... who knows ... perhaps the prodigal son will one day return.


Mandy said...

Love the new look!! I know things will happen for you...they say God doesnt give you what u cant handle, so i think u are a very determined and strong person who will succeed in her mission.

2009 here we come!

jojo said...

Wow, the blog just keeps getting better and better looking!


"dinked" ???

Bob said...

It's very pretty but at over 1.5 meg not very mobile friendly.

Amani said...

sucks to be bobby.

Go back to work.

jojo said...


as in "I have a mum, a dad, a brother and a crazy nuckista".