Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What a week! I now know what to do with my life!

After getting back to Australia I felt very disoriented. Bob returned to work the next day and I was left sitting at home, unpacking, cleaning, sorting, twiddling my thumbs, thinking, "The New Year is approaching and I do not feel good about it".

I've had some decisions to make regarding my life outside surrogacy. As you all know I post at the forum several times a day, blog almost every day, and am generally committed full-time to surrogacy. Now everything is planned and there is no more to do until February. So, what do I do in 2009?

I deferred university for second semester 2008 and am due back in a few weeks. I returned to study after 17 years, and am enrolled in a Post-Graduate Diploma of Journalism. Despite already having worked as a writer and a public relations person, I thought I needed to upgrade my skills and gain contacts in WA, as I have lived most of my life on the east coast of Australia, in Brisbane. Journalism is all about contacts. Those who know lots of people get the best stories. I had no contacts.

Well, one semester through a two-year part-time course, I realised I had never forgotten how to write, nor be a journo, nor a PR person or a functioning member of the professional world. I have not worked in media since 2000, electing to be a full-time belly dancer with a dance school and costume-making business, to the dismay of my parents. Okay, been there, shone in the light, did well, but now I have absolutely no interest in returning to teaching or performing dance. I do still sew on occasion.

I did really well at uni, obtaining a distinction for Media Law and a High Distinction for Newswriting. (Hardly a surprise as I have been a published writer many years). Those marks fast-tracked me into the uni's masters/doctoral program. Apparently to be invited to this program is a big honour, an honour that delighted my parents, in particular my dad, but was an honour of which the significance was lost on me. I simply am not academically minded. I can do the academic stuff very well, but it bores the crap out of me. I much prefer to be hands-on. I like to write the stories, not make up the latest rules for writing. I like to take the photos, not write a policy about how photos should be taken. So, to my poor dad's dismay, I chose to not take up the Masters/Doctoral program. There are already enough doctors in our family, who needs one more?

However, I've not been content to return to my current course because I have realised it is too easy, that I already have an undergraduate degree in the same area, and that I have the contacts I needed to make. Another reason I went back to study was to take my mind off surrogacy and IVF. So what did I do as soon as my semester was completed? I went straight back to the IVF clinic and had another go. I tried so very hard to be happy as childless woman.

The decision has been made. I am deferring for 2009 and 2010 and may go back when my children are aged one, part-time in 2011. It was been a difficult decision to make because my studies are important to me. I also don't like starting things and not finishing them. So I will go back, but when I do, my life will be completely different.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not I can totally relate. I can completely understand. I had applied to medical school, got wait listed, I was told if I applied the following year I would get in, but alas decided that family is what I wanted. The good news for you is that you can and will return when the time is right. I dont regret the decision I made, but I understand the amount of thought and emotion that goes into such a decision. Amani, I hope that you come to feel even more content with your decision to delay and that the time flies by with a health pregnancy and babies to be a Mom to. Best of luck, congratulations on making your decision, I know it was not easy.

Joy

jojo said...

"inisifyi" =

innit surrogacy india, for your information ????

Decisions like these require bravery and a lot of thought, and I know you've searched your soul on this one. It's the right decision.

Congratulatins on your new direction!

x

Jackie said...

HI sweetie! Sounds like you are busy! Say hi to Bob from us!

Jackie