Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What a week! I now know what to do with my life!

After getting back to Australia I felt very disoriented. Bob returned to work the next day and I was left sitting at home, unpacking, cleaning, sorting, twiddling my thumbs, thinking, "The New Year is approaching and I do not feel good about it".

I've had some decisions to make regarding my life outside surrogacy. As you all know I post at the forum several times a day, blog almost every day, and am generally committed full-time to surrogacy. Now everything is planned and there is no more to do until February. So, what do I do in 2009?

I deferred university for second semester 2008 and am due back in a few weeks. I returned to study after 17 years, and am enrolled in a Post-Graduate Diploma of Journalism. Despite already having worked as a writer and a public relations person, I thought I needed to upgrade my skills and gain contacts in WA, as I have lived most of my life on the east coast of Australia, in Brisbane. Journalism is all about contacts. Those who know lots of people get the best stories. I had no contacts.

Well, one semester through a two-year part-time course, I realised I had never forgotten how to write, nor be a journo, nor a PR person or a functioning member of the professional world. I have not worked in media since 2000, electing to be a full-time belly dancer with a dance school and costume-making business, to the dismay of my parents. Okay, been there, shone in the light, did well, but now I have absolutely no interest in returning to teaching or performing dance. I do still sew on occasion.

I did really well at uni, obtaining a distinction for Media Law and a High Distinction for Newswriting. (Hardly a surprise as I have been a published writer many years). Those marks fast-tracked me into the uni's masters/doctoral program. Apparently to be invited to this program is a big honour, an honour that delighted my parents, in particular my dad, but was an honour of which the significance was lost on me. I simply am not academically minded. I can do the academic stuff very well, but it bores the crap out of me. I much prefer to be hands-on. I like to write the stories, not make up the latest rules for writing. I like to take the photos, not write a policy about how photos should be taken. So, to my poor dad's dismay, I chose to not take up the Masters/Doctoral program. There are already enough doctors in our family, who needs one more?

However, I've not been content to return to my current course because I have realised it is too easy, that I already have an undergraduate degree in the same area, and that I have the contacts I needed to make. Another reason I went back to study was to take my mind off surrogacy and IVF. So what did I do as soon as my semester was completed? I went straight back to the IVF clinic and had another go. I tried so very hard to be happy as childless woman.

The decision has been made. I am deferring for 2009 and 2010 and may go back when my children are aged one, part-time in 2011. It was been a difficult decision to make because my studies are important to me. I also don't like starting things and not finishing them. So I will go back, but when I do, my life will be completely different.


Anonymous said...

Believe it or not I can totally relate. I can completely understand. I had applied to medical school, got wait listed, I was told if I applied the following year I would get in, but alas decided that family is what I wanted. The good news for you is that you can and will return when the time is right. I dont regret the decision I made, but I understand the amount of thought and emotion that goes into such a decision. Amani, I hope that you come to feel even more content with your decision to delay and that the time flies by with a health pregnancy and babies to be a Mom to. Best of luck, congratulations on making your decision, I know it was not easy.


jojo said...

"inisifyi" =

innit surrogacy india, for your information ????

Decisions like these require bravery and a lot of thought, and I know you've searched your soul on this one. It's the right decision.

Congratulatins on your new direction!


Jackie said...

HI sweetie! Sounds like you are busy! Say hi to Bob from us!