Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Things are going downhill

Prior to leaving India, we learned that one of our embies arrested on day 2. That left us with two. the plan was to take our remaining three embies to blastocyst stage for freezing. three would have been nice, but two okay. We learned last night that none of our remaining embies have progressed past 6 cells, and all have arrested. To say we are gutted is an understatement. We have nothing to freeze, little hope for our transferred three and are $14,000 out of pocket.

What a nightmare.

Last night we very nearly quit. Thoughts of "Perhaps this is just meant to be" and "We are not meant to be parents" flowed through us. Who could be so unfortunate to 1. be instrumental in the planning stages of an international ED/Indian surrogacy program, 2. have their cycle delayed due to terrorist attacks, 3. finally get there and discover their ED has fertility issues of her own. We expected to have at least six frozen embryos remaining for us to do at least two FET cycles if unsuccessful first go. hey, everyone else got paid, and we got so little.

I am kicking myself that I didn't choose a proven donor. None of us thought to. We assumed because these girls passed all their tests, and were young, they would be okay.

Dr Yash thinks the problem is egg quality. She said that while the eggs looked good, and our donor stimmed well and had 15+ follicles, half of them were empty. Unfortunately one cannot tell from a follicle scan if there are eggs in every, or even most, follicles. Dr Yash is also not very hopeful we will have a positive result.

Now, I know you are all thinking it could still happen with the transferred three. And yes, it could, but the chances are so much lower than the stats of 50-60 per cent success with ED, due to our donor's potential fertility problem. We have not closed the door on all hope, but are well prepared for a negative. If we get a positive it will come as an enormous surprise, and then we will be on tenderhooks, yet again, hoping there are no abnormalities with the embryo.

This journey sucks big time. i hate it. Our trip to India was mixed. We had a great time catching up with old and new friends, but a couple of ugly, unfair and hurtful things happened while there that left us not ever wanting to be involved in the surrogacy community.

Now we are quibbling over our clinic's accounting. Yet more unforseen expenses. We are not the only ones in the same boat, so many couples were complaining about their accounting methods. For one, I have had enough and am not going to shut up about it. If we do not complain things will not improve.

I am really wondering if this is all worth it. We are left shocked, reeling, unhappy and very very bitter.


maggie said...

Hello Amani,
i am so sorry for what is happening, both of you are in my prayers.
Thank you for being brave enough to talk through what is happening for you; I feel as if i am rehearsing my own journey. You are absolutely right in that if difficulties are not voiced then things will remain the same,

aka charliecat

JourneyofHope said...

Oh no Amani, my heart has just sunk reading this post. I am just so saddened to hear your news. I am really praying for your transferred embies. Hang in there and sending you hugs and love,


Anonymous said...

I am in shock, there is nothing to say and my shock is certainly nothing compared to what you and Bob are going through. Please know both Tower and I are thinking of you both. There are just no words....
Joy and Tower