Thursday, March 12, 2009

Me and my cycle buds waiting for news of our third betas. That's me, far right, zonked out on valium in preparation for missing "the call".

Waiting for a beta is worse than waiting for Godot. The beta-game wait is akin to meeting a really nice man, and seeing a future, speaking to or seeing him daily, then you don't get a call for five days.  As the days pass, confidence in your brilliant future together erodes as doubts creep into the mind, even if you were on good terms at last contact. Sometimes you just need that extra bit of reassurance via way of phone call or text message to prop you up and keep you going about your normal life. 

I think our bloods were drawn last Tuesday, but we didn't get a call Tuesday night because the lab didn't send the results that night. Frustratingly, yesterday was a public holiday in Mumbai, so no results yesterday. I did speak with Dr Yash on Wednesday morning and she said we'd hear sometime today. or tonight. Assuming the bloods were taken on Tuesday, there is a possibility the lab has sent Tuesday's results through to Dr Yash already. But I don't want to call ... I do not want to be her stalker client. She will call me when she has results. And really, this whole pregnancy thing is going to be a game of wait, wait and more wait. If I can't get my anxiety under control now, what will I be like later?

I have taken to meditation. I am not very good at it, but it does help a little. Apart from meditation, I am focussing on the things I would be normally doing had we not received a positive result, the home extension. Today, I actually got the building plan application into council. I am also considering taking up crochet, or hand hooked rug making, or maybe even basket-weaving. That's what i assume I would be doing if in a psychiatric hospital, and I do feel a little crazy.

This revolting hurry up and wait game is made a little more bearable knowing I am not alone.

8 comments:

Oddity Acres Clan said...

All I can say is.. CHOCOLATE.. and if that fails.. Lolly snakes.

Big hugz from us to you.

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Kerrie and Mark said...

Oh the waiting must be killing you!!!

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Stephanie said...

I have to tell you it gets worse, because after the betas there aren't many tests or visits during the first 3 months, and even after that the news slows to a trickle.....I've taken up knitting (baby things!) and electronic scrapbooking (but need a really cute baby to be subject matter!)

maggie said...

To the last two Anonymous comments...
Just so i am clear, you are suggesting that a medical agency, with an International profile and credibility is behaving in an unprofessional, petty and vindictive manner towards one of its clients. Your statements impact on the perceived credibility of that organisation and cause undue stress and anxiety for Amani and her Family and all its current and future clients – and are just plain mean!

The doctors will let you know as soon as they are able, do what you need to do to stay sane, xx

Amani said...

Yes Maggie, the clinic must not only be being vindictive to me, but also three other couples whose lab results are taking time.