Thursday, March 12, 2009
Me and my cycle buds waiting for news of our third betas. That's me, far right, zonked out on valium in preparation for missing "the call".
Waiting for a beta is worse than waiting for Godot. The beta-game wait is akin to meeting a really nice man, and seeing a future, speaking to or seeing him daily, then you don't get a call for five days. As the days pass, confidence in your brilliant future together erodes as doubts creep into the mind, even if you were on good terms at last contact. Sometimes you just need that extra bit of reassurance via way of phone call or text message to prop you up and keep you going about your normal life.
I think our bloods were drawn last Tuesday, but we didn't get a call Tuesday night because the lab didn't send the results that night. Frustratingly, yesterday was a public holiday in Mumbai, so no results yesterday. I did speak with Dr Yash on Wednesday morning and she said we'd hear sometime today. or tonight. Assuming the bloods were taken on Tuesday, there is a possibility the lab has sent Tuesday's results through to Dr Yash already. But I don't want to call ... I do not want to be her stalker client. She will call me when she has results. And really, this whole pregnancy thing is going to be a game of wait, wait and more wait. If I can't get my anxiety under control now, what will I be like later?
I have taken to meditation. I am not very good at it, but it does help a little. Apart from meditation, I am focussing on the things I would be normally doing had we not received a positive result, the home extension. Today, I actually got the building plan application into council. I am also considering taking up crochet, or hand hooked rug making, or maybe even basket-weaving. That's what i assume I would be doing if in a psychiatric hospital, and I do feel a little crazy.
This revolting hurry up and wait game is made a little more bearable knowing I am not alone.
Posted by Phoenix at 11:37 AM