Monday, April 27, 2009

Numb

Am gonna write this while I am still numb.

We lost our little bubble tonight.

Our baby hasn't grown since the last scan. Her heart beat is less than 30. Dr Yash asked us if we would like to terminate now or wait until bubble leaves naturally without intervention.

Dr Yash is running the tests again just to make sure. We will make a decision after getting the results. Mrs C is sad. I will write to her to let her know of our gratitude and our love for her.

I am so very calm. The calm before the storm I suspect. Bob has been angry, now he is calm. There is nothing and no-one to be angry at. We cry, but not with the heart, there are just tears leaking from our eyes, tears running down our faces, tears we can't stop. Yet we haven't started crying.

The grief will hit us later I guess. 

Bubble: I love you so very much. I feel you with me as strongly as ever. This is not the end. You are going to be with Kelsey, she will care of you until you return.


26 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh Amani:

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. So sorry. You are in my thoughts and sending you many hugs.

Anita said...

Oh no, no!!! Oh Amani, I am so, so sorry. I have been praying that Bubble was just teasing you.
Sending you and Bob lots of love and hugs

maggie said...

Amani & Bob,
i am so sorry,
Bubble will be in our thoughts and prayers,

Mandy said...

Oh Amani,
I wish it wasnt so. I was following and praying for the best. Take your time and know u have all of our support.

Much love to u and Bob, a great pair.

Carrie Jo said...

I am so, so sorry Amani. I wish there was something else to say. I'm truly saddened for you.

Kerrie and Mark said...

Have sent you a private note in email. My heart breaks for you as this is my same story.
Lots of love
Kerrie

Rebecca said...

I am so sorry Meg. Please know that we are all thinking of you and Bob. There is really no words. Just time to heal. My heart cries with yours.

Beckyxoxo

Todd said...

I keep trying to come up with the right words, but I can't possibly say enough to solace you at this time of loss. The numbness will eventually ebb away with time, but know that you have many here thinking of both of you and here for support whenever you need it.

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie, our hearts ache for you both... This just absolutely sucks and I know exactly how you guys are feeling right now.

I am here for you....anytime.

Love you lots,

Jackie xxx

Stephaniekb said...

Amani and Bob,
I am so so sorry to hear about this, and about the roller coaster that you have been on with more downs than ups. May you find comfort in each other and the knowledge that you will become family one way or another....

Heather and Jase said...

I just do not have any words right now. I'm sorry just doesn't cover it.

Always thinking of you guys.

Tigerlilycat said...

Here ANYTIME you need us. Love you guys.


Lisa
xx

Trea said...

Amani and Bob

There are no words anyone can offer which will take away your pain, but for what it's worth I am so very, very sorry. I have been following your blog and praying that your journey would be successful. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Trea

jojo said...

I am shocked and very sorry for your loss. I understand your pain and wish it could be different. Nobody should have to go through this.

Always here if you need to talk.

x

Intended Parents said...

Amani and Bob,

There are absolutely no words to describe how incredibly sorry I am for you both. I must have sat here staring at the computer for an hour trying to find the right words. Instead I found myself crying. I am so, so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, Tracy

Anonymous said...

My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your husband. Please know you both will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and each other.

Jaymee said...

you and bob are in my thoughts. sending a billion hugs across the seas, with tons of love. i am always here if you need to talk.

Daria said...

I am so sorry to read this. My heart aches for you guys.

Sara said...

Words fail. I'm sorry.

Johnny and Darren said...

Words will never offer the comfort you both need right now.

You're both in our thoughts & prayers.

xxx

Amber and Brian said...

Meg and Bob,

You are in our thoughts and prayers. Take time for yourselves. If you want to talk, we are here, if you don't, we understand. I wish I could give you a big hug and cry with you.

emma said...

Amani and Bob,

I cannot find the words to describe how very sorry I am for your loss. This must be so hard. I only wish there was something I could do to ease your increadible pain. I will be thinking and praying for you and your Bubble.
Emma

butlerlife said...

Amani, I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry just doesn't seem like enough.

My heart goes out to you and Bob.

Michele B.

switzertwins said...

Dearest Amani and Bob,

To say our hearts aches with sorrow for you would not be words enough. We have quietly sat back and watched you bask in your own joy of waiting for your Bubble to be born and every time you wrote of your hopes and dreams we cheered you on here at home.

Brian and I know of the devestation you feel and if there were anything we could do to lessen that pain we would. You and Bob are such amazing people that deserve the joy that is parenthood. We shall pray for you, Bob and Bubble.

As you told us with the loss of our beautiful Kelsey, Bubble is lighting the way for other angels to come home to the loving arms of their Mommies and Daddies.

We love you and we support you and pray that time will ease this pain.

Lisa & Brian

Bob said...

We pulled the pin last night. I may be cruel but I insisted we definitively knew it was over. Zero heartbeat with confirmation that she was our baby. I wasn't going to make the decision until I knew it wasn't just a terrible mistake. It was one of the hardest calls I've ever had to make. We will see you in the next life Leia. It just wasn't time to meet right now.

Amani said...

Bobby

i just love you SO very much.

Your wife

xxx