Sunday, May 3, 2009

sifting through the rubble

We're still pretty miserable, but had a nice time with Willow who was here for a "short" weekend, Friday 6pm - Saturday 6pm, as opposed to a "long" weekend, 6pm Friday to 9am Monday. Don't any of you ever get divorced, one parents ends up with the child most of the time, the other, usually the father, has to suffer with phone calls at a specific time, three times per week, and alternating short and long weekends. 

He's gone now and we've got a very quiet, maudlin house.

I am back to stripping window frames. It is a laborious job which now holds little joy, because I'm not working towards anything. The earth stood still last week. I've done nothing about the extension, infact, haven't even called back tradespeople who have quotes for us, much less made any calls seeking other trades. We have no hurry now. No baby to bring home in November, and very little excitement about creating a beautiful home for our children.

Bob had all of last week off. One day he was good, the next not so good. His good days coincided with all my bad days so he had to stay home and babysit his clingy grief stricken wife.

It is getting better. Bob is back at work today, and I am okay to be alone. Boy, is the house a mess! We've been living on basic survival instinct. Have to eat, cereal looks good; have to shower, bugger it, I'll do that tomorrow; have to clean teeth, ah one night not brushing won't do too much harm. 

Dr Yash has confirmed, at last, there never were any of the tests done as mentioned in the previous post. They did a scan on the Saturday, the report for which we had to fight to get, which arrived five days later and only because I threatened to go to the Australian and Indian media. That scan showed no cardiac activity, conclusion: missed abortion. So there never was a heartbeat under 30, nor an NT scan, nor a repeat NT scan, nor repeat blood work. There was no point, she had gone. 

So why tell me all this? Why promise things when you know the tests won't make any difference? Why string out our stress and fear when she knew all along bubble had gone? That is just cruel. No wonder they had Mrs C in for a termination asap. And why tell us they would delay the termination pending the results of the tests - tests that were never done?

Most importantly: why were we never given the option of a repeat scan. If this were my body carrying my baby I would be getting a second opinion. Sure, it would most probably come back with the same results, but at least I would never have a question in my mind that perhaps there was a mistake made with the one and only scan done.

We would like to know if bubble did have a chromosomal abnormality. We have asked for karyotyping, but our request was ignored. Well, the email was ignored. Again, Dr Yash said via phone she would arrange for this to be done. Perhaps it has been done, but hey, who are we to dare ask for information? We're just the parents of a deceased baby and extinguished hope. This is very important information for us. If bubble had  a physical problem, we could rest a bit easier knowing that s/he had a reason to go. 

Now I wonder if all those times Mrs C was in the clinic, if she was in fact there. I have since discovered that the apartment we have been paying as part of our surrogacy contract, for Mrs C and her family, never existed. Mrs C never moved. It will be very interesting to see a statement of account and services provided by SI. We know we will have to fight for this. There are so many unanswered questions and SI has basically gone to ground. Great service, thanks! You have our money, we have nothing, and we still don't know what we have been charged for, and if, in fact, any service we may be charged for has actually been provided. 

In times like these one wishes they had been more sensible and signed a contract with the agency and not just the surrogate and her husband. We have no-one to sue for breach of contract because Mrs C and Mr S have upheld all the conditions of the contract. SI, thus far, has not. But we do not have a contract with them. Time will tell. Time will tell if they come clean with an account of services provided, or a receipt, or acknowledgement of payments made, in particular those two cash payments made on our last trip to India so that SI could "save on our taxes". I am so glad I kept every single email. Money has always been an issue with SI and their ever-increasing prices and lack of financial transparency.

We will try again, but when, where and with whom is undecided. For now I will focus the little bit of attention I have on cleaning this mess of a house, and finding a surveyor to prove to our council that our dead flat block of land is as flat as tack.


Jaymee said...

ugh, this is all nutty. in some way it is good that they fessed up, but the fact that they lied in the first place is just infuriating. i am so sorry that they have put you through this turmoil. i hope everything works out in the end.

Sarah said...

I am really sorry that this has happened Amani. It must be so hard to understand when there are so many untruths. Sending you hugs my dear friend.

Lisa RM said...

Amani, all I can do is send some hugs, but please know that I am, and wishing you the best that this situation can bring. An I'm sorry right now is like an I'm sorry at a funeral- it really doesn't do justice to the situation. I wish there was something that did.