Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bob's exciting adventure


FPSO Stybarrow Venture MV16

The Stybarrow field is located in permit WA-255-P(2) in the Exmouth Sub basin, approximately 65 kilometers from Exmouth, off the northwest Australian coast.

The EPCI project included the provision of an FPSO capable of processing 100,000 barrels of liquids per day and a storage capacity in the order of 900,000 barrels. The FPSO is installed in approximately 825 meters water depth.

MODEC owns and provides FPSO operations and maintenance services for the Stybarrow field for an initial 10 year period with the option of one-year extensions for a further 5 years.

The ramp up of oil production on the FPSO Stybarrow Venture MV16 started on November 11, 2007 and achieved full production on December 1, 2007 after fully commissioning the facilities and interference testing in the reservoir.

How exciting is that? Bob gets to go on a plane and then a helicopter and live on a big boat for two days. he is an oil and gas engineer and rapes, pillages and plunders the earth's resources for a living. Actually, I think he designs the instruments that make the gas and oil bits come out of the ground and flow along pipes. Or so he tells me. He departed at 5am this morning and is due home Thursday evening. I do so hate it when he goes offshore. 


Well, not a whole lot is going on around here. It is winter and freezing at night. I have had a flu/virus/cold type thing the past three days, with the full-on body aches and lots of sleeping. I managed to get the amended plans into council, as well as the multitude of copies of things I do not understand into the licensing section. I'll probably get a letter sometime down the track telling me they need this, or want that changed, but for now, it's in and I am left with little to do. Everything is organised, both for the home extension and surrogacy.


Back to surrogacy. We are about to wire funds to South Africa - again - for ED - again. Then the pre-IVF testing of our ED begins - again. Ugh, this had better work. This is the very last time we fly in an ED from South Africa. If this messes up and we are - again - left with a failed pregnancy and nothing to freeze it will be Indian ED for us and bugger the potential genetic consequences or health conditions that may, or may not, show up further down the track. 

I am seriously thinking of asking the doc to cycle an Indian ED at the same time so we don't have to go through the disappointment of poor fertilisation results and losing all our embies. Surely two donors cycling at once would give us a good shot at having something left to freeze for a subsequent FET.


I am scared, really scared. Scared of trying again, scared of sending money to a company I can't sue if they take the money and run (no indiction of that other than my paranoia, but it did happen with the lawyer in Arkansas when we were pursuing surrogacy in the US). I'm also scared that I may be acting against fate, and that perhaps I am not meant to be a mother. Perhaps God or whichever celestial being one has belief in has decreed that I am not meant to be a mother, and that no amount of hoping,  wishing, crying, ranting, raving or spending money on this venture will make me a mother. I know this is all fatalistic nonsense, but when I am awake in the wee hours of the morning, outside blindly gazing across the river to the distant hills of Perth, these are my fears. 


But when morning comes, it is a new day and we keep plugging away at making the dream to be a family come true.

7 comments:

Mike and Mike said...

You and Bob will prevail. You're much too stubborn not too!

M&M

Trea said...

Amani - found this on another blog recently.........re God's intentions.....hang in there.

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know." ~Anon.

crystal said...

Ditto to Mike and Mike!

Amani said...

Trea, that was just what I needed to read. It is just so true. I think now that by quitting I am actually going against God's will and trying to get out of the lessons of life God has in store for us as a couple.

Katie said...

Trea,

Thank you so much for writing that. I'm sure we all think that sometimes it just wasn't meant to be; I just don't believe it. I am stronger (although physically weaker and lonelier, as I don't stay in contact with the insensitive fertiles!) for this journey and I will treasure my child.

Everything seems to be on track for you to succeed this time Amani. Perhaps cycling with an Indian ED at the same time isn't such a bad idea. When will you have to decide?

KT

Anonymous said...

Trea, Yesterday I was with a friend who I hadn't seen in a while and explained everything to her (our "journey" and DE+Surrogacy in October) and she looked at me gravely and said, "perhaps it is not meant to be" and to perhaps, "accept it (childlessness)". Huh? The blood rushed to my head and I saw "white flashes". She is 44, single, and doesn't want a child. She added that "be careful. They take advantage of these poor women who know no better, etc." I just had to dig my nails into my thighs to not bite her head off verbally (what is the use?). I told her that as long as there is hope, I will keep on trying. If one stepped back, one would think that "God" puts a big boulder in our path every time we make a "fertility" move, because a long string of "bad luck" we have had. But as with most things that are worth it, one has to make an enormous effort. In our case, our difficulty in life is fertility and having a child. But many people and couples have all sorts of other serious problems to over-come not fertility related at all. After yesterday, I've concluded that telling someone my story who has not been down this path is simply explaining something that they cannot possibly understand or relate to and they do not understand how technically, legally, financially and emotionally draining all of this is. And expecting them to say, "I wish you all the luck in the world and you would make a great mom" is just not going to happen. Most people's conclusion is "why not adopt?". Adoption is not easy or cheap or sure but people don't understand this! We actually are going to begin an adoption process this Fall after going to India because we want two children but when will we get the child (after having our personal lives totally scrutinized!)? 3-4 years from now? How old will will the child be given that I am now 43? I'm like you, I don't believe God gives or takes away fertility. I certainly hope he has better things to do! I think God gave us a brain to think and overcome hurdles when possible. Overcoming this hurdle, is possible. This is not "terminal"! Like the little choo-choo train (from my bed-time stories at least), "try and try again (to make it over the mountain)!" - Astrocat88

Anonymous said...

Trea, Yesterday I was with as friend who I hadn't seen in a while and explained everything to her (our "journey" and DE+Surrogacy in October) and she looked at me gravely and said, "perhaps it is not meant to be" and to perhaps, "accept it (childlessness)". Huh? The blood rushed to my head and I saw "white flashes". She is 44, single, and doesn't want a child. She added that "be careful. They take advantage of these poor women who know no better, etc." I just had to dig my nails into my thighs to not bite her head off verbally (what is the use?). I told her that as long as there is hope, I will keep on trying. If one stepped back, one would think that "God" puts a big boulder in our path every time we make a "fertility" move, because a long string of "bad luck" we have had. But as with most things that are worth it, one has to make an enormous effort. In our case, our difficulty in life is fertility and having a child. But many people and couples have all sorts of other serious problems to over-come not fertility related at all. After yesterday, I've concluded that telling someone my story who has not been down this path is simply explaining something that they cannot possibly understand or relate to and they do not understand how technically, legally, financially and emotionally draining all of this is. And expecting them to say, "I wish you all the luck in the world and you would make a great mom" is just not going to happen. Most people's conclusion is "why not adopt?". Adoption is not easy or cheap or sure but people don't understand this! We actually are going to begin an adoption process this Fall after going to India because we want two children but when will we get the child (after having our personal lives totally scrutinized!)? 3-4 years from now? How old will will the child be given that I am now 43? I'm like you, I don't believe God gives or takes away fertility. I certainly hope he has better things to do! I think God gave us a brain to think and overcome hurdles when possible. Overcoming this hurdle, is possible. This is not "terminal"! Like the little choo-choo train (from my bed-time stories at least), "try and try again (to make it over the mountain)!" - Astrocat88