Saturday, July 25, 2009

Amy is in the air!

Our Amy is on her way to Delhi. She is due to arrive tonight at 8.15pm. Our lawyer is collecting her from the airport. He has been great - he has organised phones for us, and some sightseeing for Amy. Amy's CD7 ultrasound showed good follicular development - still ten follies. She has another ultrasound tomorrow CD9 and the usual blood tests.

We're pretty organised here, there's not a whole lot to do other than clean the house and pack. The time is going a little too quickly my brain hasn't caught up with the fact we will be flying back to India for the third time in seven months in three days time, for yet another surrogacy adventure. 

I have to admit, it is not as exciting the third time round and I am not feeling terribly positive. My mind keeps dwelling on the bad "what ifs" - what if we have a poor EPU; what if the eggs don't fertilise, what if we have a negative and have nothing to do a FET with. This is our last shot at  an international donor, and a real bonus for us to have a known donor ... what if, what if, what if ... but what if it all turns out great? Our new journey has been smooth so far and there is no indication we won't have success. So why can't I focus on the positives? I guess it is because of so many let downs with trying to conceive for the past four years. And our recent loss really took the sparkle off pregnancy. Getting pregnant is one thing, staying pregnant is another., the delivery of a healthy baby is not guaranteed even when you get past the crucial 24 weeks. I learned this week of another Indian surrogacy couple whose baby was born in Mumbai at 26 weeks who didn't make it. That makes losses for three couples of four bubs all past 24 weeks these past few months. That scares the hell out of me. I don't know how or if I could handle that. Such horror for the parents. But it is life, and nature and nothing is guaranteed. I so wish it were. I wonder at which point in this journey one gets to relax. 

Sorry for the downer post ... if anyone has positivity pills to spare, or a recipe for blind optimism, please send ...


jojo said...

you're still going because you're not ready to let go of the dream yet, and nor should you.

there's no reason this time will be like the others.

toot toot - the fun train's here to pick you up!

ps - wv is bountne - you'll be bouncing a bub on your knee soon

jojo said...

ooh, and the next wv was tedies.

say no more.

Anonymous said...

People have repeatedly told me to be "cautiously optimistic," but I have no idea what that means. What I can tell you is that you have a real chance. Enjoy the hope--you deserve it.

Johnny and Darren said...

We'll be praying for your guys and that third time really is the charm....

Johnny & Darren