Thursday, January 14, 2010

Viva la Sperm!

What happens when your surrogacy in India journey moves on, you swap clinics, or you have success with your first clinic, you get pregnant and all looks well - BUT - you have frozen sperm or frozen embryos with your clinic or your old clinic?

This journey is full of so many bumps, and it can sometimes be so bloody long and arduous that despite the almost paranoid diligence we started out with, we actually forget to tie up loose ends.

Bob and have a decision to make.
We have approx. 20 million swimmers with Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai. The "sample" was left ... goodness knows when, I think February 2008. How time passes. We've paid for storage for said swimmers for 12 months, and time has come where we have to decide what to do with them. Where on earth did a whole year go?

Our decision is quite simple: use, ship or destroy. The answer should be easy: destroy, We're PG, we have a sample in Delhi, if needed, we can go again. So why can't I say "destroy?"

Because they are ours. They are Bob's, they are mine. They are our genetic material. They have the potential to be half of our children. It is most unlikely they will ever meet an egg and create a child or children, but we care for them just the same. (I can't say the same for the swimmers we regularly "waste" ... during the act of doing the Wild Fandango)

We don't care so much about destroying half of our genetic material, but we want to make sure that if we decide to destroy, it actually happens. I will apologise here and now: we 99.9% trust the integrity of our former clinic. We also trust the lab at Lilavati. If we say destroy, they will do it. So what is our problem? Where does the .1% mistrust come from?

From within ... it is personal, it is illogical, it is fuelled with prior pain, hope, grief and basic exhaustion. After a long, hard, painful, joyous, happy, revolting, crazy journey with IVF, and IVF/surrogacy, we are jaded, and being jaded allows doubt to creep on in. We are are allowed to have this doubt. If we had swimmers frozen with our IVF clinic in Perth and the same decision was to made, it would be easier ... I would go in and supervise destruction of sperm, because I can no longer afford to trust, and I am paranoid, and ... because I can. i can't do that in India.

So our decision is to move our swimmers to Delhi, at whatever cost. Just in case.... after so long... we need to have our backup plan number 500 "just-in-case" plan. And if we face this decision in Delhi, which we most probably will, I will be on hand to supervise the demise of a few more million potential half-bubbles.

Our dear clinics - in Perth and Mumbai and Delhi, this is not a logical decision, it is a perhaps a decision made with care at best, and paranoia at worst. But I figure you guys knows more than most the pain of infertility and will understand the mistrust.


Anonymous said...

That is the silliest thing I have ever heard of. You seem to be obsessed with getting back at SI any way you can. Grow up and count your blessings you are pregnant. Looking at the past you are only looking for trouble.

Amani said...

It's back. Am publishing 1/100 anonymous posts from this loser. Cause I feel like it. : ))

Gnot the Snot, Venus, JS, IS, May Chong, My Chong, Mai Ling, Mai Lingy Long ... My Freaking Dong ... Mr Same IP address for all the alters.

A mouldy oldie way past its bedtime , so says Fat Cat!

Mandy said...

Dont worry about mindless people, i was wondering what do we do with our sample in Anand, let me know what you guys decide and how to's..

jojo said...

not silly at all.

i've got genetic material at a lab that i'm a bit worried about too. it's got nothing to do with the lab - just feels strange having 'a piece of you' in a foreign country, existing in a kind of refrigerated limbo.

it's only natural to be concerned. i'd be worried if you weren't! lol.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand your concern. When we decided to never go back to Anand, I asked Dr Patel to destroy my husband´s sample. She wrote she did, and I just have to trust that. Still it makes me uneasy that I couldn´t be there to supervise it. There are many IPs who get pregnant on 1st try or go to another clinic, or do not have the financial means to return to India and try again. I wonder what happens with all those back-up frozen sperms left at labs.

Amani, I think you did right, and it is no looking at the past at all, rather taking care of what is yours. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Edward said...

The anonymous posters in the blog world give me a twitch! How can they use the word ‘obsessed’ while describing you? Posting anon comments clearly meant to kick your shins? Who’s obsessed with who again?
You (and many others) are kind enough to share your journey and YOUR process behind YOUR decisions. I appreciate your insight and thanks for sharing.

Amani said...

aww, thanks. I know you've had your share of the same nutter assisting with its misplaced advice.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you Amani. God will guide your hand to do the right thing. You are such a wonderful woman. Honest, ethical, your passion for helping others inspires me. Keep up the good work sister.

Katherine (from IB blog)