Wednesday, February 17, 2010

18 week pics and the BIG GENDER REVEAL!!!!!

Ah, you all thought I got some kind of illegal special treatment, didn't you! Well, no, I didn't. For some reason this week not knowing gender is driving me nuts, I want to know. But alas, I have to wait like everyone else.

Dr Shivani suggested I consult an astrologer. Hmmm, I thought ... good idea! But I went one better and consulted .... the Magic 8-Ball!!! You may know that special little toy that looks like a snooker eight ball, you ask it a question, give it a furious shake and voila - the answers to all of life's questions are answered.

And the Magic 8-Ball answered me: the question was: is my baby a girl?

It's a GIRL!!!! Woo hoo, I can use the $54 of pink ebay purchases.
Crack out the pink balloons and bubbly, book in the ballet lessons!!!

After a moment of unwavering belief in a computerised prediction from the Magic 8-Ball, I had to ask the reverse, is my baby a boy? This question should so obviously have the opposite answer, given the super-special super-spooky, supernatural powers of the Magic 8-Ball. With closes peeps I tried again and quicker than an IP expecting a pregnancy result gets to the phone in the middle of the night, I opened my eyes and voila:

The Magic 8-Ball answered:

Insert swear words here. Great! Possibly a hermaphrodite? Oh my Lord ... that's one thing I never even thought about going wrong. So, I had to look further afield. Chinese astrology baby prediction was out for me because I didn't know whether I should use my age at conception, or my ED's age or my surrogate's age.

The ring test
I decided to consult the "wave your ring over your belly" test ... if the ring moves in circles, it's a girl, if it moves side to side, or back and forward, it's a boy. The test also works done over your wrist. Not being pregnant myself, I opted for a bit of wrist action.

I fished my wedding ring form my glasses case (I garden) and tied some pink curly ribbon to it, held it over my left wrist, and ... and ... waited ... and, nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. She of the steady hands, the bugger didn't move! If I willed it to move I found I could manipulate the ring to go any way I wanted, if I didn't do anything, it just stood still.

Maybe I tied the ribbon wrong. I retied with a single knot, and closed my eyes, concentrating on steadying the holding hand, while chanting soundlessly "Tell me, tell me, tell me true, are you pink or are you blue?"

Upon opening my eyes, the ring was moving - in circles.

It's a GIRL!!!!
Repaint the nursery hues of pink and purple, reserve that place at Perth Ladies College, prepare for Willo's devastation ... he wants another brother.

I looked for an image to illustrate this test, but after typing into Google images I couldn't find said suitable image. Google images, did, however, provide me with this little lovely ... I would be so proud have twin daughters and at 12 let them pierce their bellies with the following defacing their mid-sections. I am now starting to favour a boy.

I moved on and tried online rune readings, tarot cards and something called the DRANO gender test. You heard me right. For the unaware, or non-Australian reader, DRANO is a particularly toxic concoction of chemicals one pours down a blocked sink so they can ruin natural water systems, kills fresh water fish and dolphins and not have to pay for a plumber. DRANO will eat through anything it encountered, including food scraps, bunched hair and possibly lost rings.

DRANO apparently can also dissolve bodies in less than six hours. There's a tip for all you psycho axe-murderers out there in blogland!

Apparently DRANO doesn't eat the crap out of a urine sample and when mixed with the morning pee of a pregnant woman, can predict gender of baby depending on the colour it turns. Clearly a test out for me, not being pregnant myself. Alas, I moved on ...

The heartbeat test
The theory goes, a heartbeat above 140bpm is a boy, below a girl. I consult my scan folder.

The results:
6 weeks: 112bpm - boy
8 weeks: 130bpm - boy
10 weeks: 130bpm - boy
12 weeks: 144bpm - girl
14 weeks: 144bpm - girl
16 weeks: 140bpm - I call girl

Three girl, and three boy. Bloody useless!!!! Especially as heart rates increase as a pregnancy progresses. Again, I had to move on ...

Then I struck Gold. Pure Gold. By fortune, or luck, as dictated by the powers out there in the ether directing this crazy journey called surrogacy in India, I stumbled upon the ultimate gender prediction test known to humanity. Seriously!

Let me introduce you to

An Australian site! That makes it even more real. We down-to-earth, shoot-first-ask-questions-later, she'll-be-right-with-a fair-shake-of-the-sauce-bottle salts of the earth would never engage in anything that wasn't 100 per cent kosher and rip of our fellow country people. I found my pay dirt. The results of which, I would invest in emotionally and even if science proved otherwise, I would still trust in the results.

How it works is: you upload a pic of mummy and a pic of daddy, and voila! Some computerised face recognition mumbo-jumbo scans your features, combines them and spits out a pic of your baby!!!

You can even see what your baby would look like if you got lucky and knocked up in the back seat of a limo by your favourite Hollywood Angelina or George.

Or you can even see what the results of your fave celeb, be they a Brangelina or Jen-Ben after rumpy pumpy.

Or choose your fave friend or unrequited love and see what could have been.

I chose "partners" .. ie. me and hubby ...

I uploaded our pics and hit the "see your baby" pics button .... and only then was I informed I would have to send a text to a 1900 number in order to get a code. I had no hesitation in doing so. Today has been crap ... I wanted fun. This may well show up on my phone bill as a $20 charge, as the site doesn't actually tell you how much it will cost to dial the 1900 no for your code. But today, after all the noise and stress et al, I didn't care. And this is what we got. Me and Bob =

Hmmm ... check out that big forehead!!! BUT more importantly, it's a BOY!!!! A boy from me and Bob. As you all know, we have an Indian ED. yeah, i did what you would all do if you were feeling as fancy-free as me today ... I plugged in the pic of our donor and Bob. It's science! we;re talking pure genetics here!!! And the results:

The results are conclusive: No pink, no ballet, no baseball bats for Bob to chase away the boys at age 14 +, no Perth Ladies College, no Willo devastation, no repainting of nursery.
John 23rd here we come.

What I learned from this exercise is: I don't give a rat's bottom. I am so bloody lucky that we have this opportunity to do this in India. Despite the bad times, which should be expected, this is not an easy ride, we have either a boy or a girl coming. Who really gives a shit about gender when we are all SO LUCKY to have a baby at all.


jojo said...

arr, ahoy me matey, you be havin' yerself a pirate! arr!

Oddity Acres Clan said...

Well spotted Jo!
I am thinking pantaloons and parrots all round! Break out the rations.. there be feasting to be had.