Saturday, February 13, 2010

Why spare same-sex couples the horror?

Queensland was the only state in Australia that made altruistic surrogacy a criminal offence. Yesterday, that arcane legislation was repealed. Perhaps it was the likes of Aunty Flo from Torres Straight Island who, in addressing last year's inqury into altruistic surrogacy, said: "We been doing this for 40,000 years. We're not going to let no white man's court tell us what to do". Or submissions from families with children born through surrogacy who fronted up and convinced an unknowing panel of "experts" that their children are not emotionally dribbling sociopaths yearning for the warm and loving arms of the birth mother from whom they were ripped away at birth.

While I sit on the fence about whether I would like to see commercial surrogacy allowed in Australia, I am delighted the Bligh Government in Queensland stood up to the Family Associations and churches, and allowed same-sex couples to benefit from new laws.

I am posting this opinion piece by writer John Birmingham - because it says it all.

Why should gay couples be spared children?

Why should gay couples be spared children?

February 11, 2010

I would have thought that wooden-headed conservatives like the Queensland LNP's Ray Hopper would have been all in favour of gay parenting.

After all, parenthood pretty much negates any chance of a real sex life so if Ray would just loosen up and let our gay brothers and sisters hop on the mummy and daddy train they'd no longer be dancing down the street in their cowboy boots and bottomless leather pants waving their genitals in people's faces every goddamn day.

They'd be sitting at home, on the suburban fringe, in some nasty, aesthetically worthless, brick shoebox, with bad hair, worse skin, big dark smudges under their eyes from sleeplessness (and not the fun kind of sleeplessness either), covered in milk vomit and that toxic yellow liquid poo that babies make. No time for being fabulous, no time for daffy left-wing causes, interior design or challenging cuisine, no time or money or inclination to do anything other than get on with the business of struggling through yet another grinding, awful day on Planet Parenthood with one dim hope floating in front of them at the end of it all: sweet sweet liquor to numb the pain.

The perfect conservative voter in other words.

But no, Ray Hopper cannot see that. And so he condemns our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to go on enjoying their fabulous, child-free, bootylicious, 24-hour party people lives, while the rest of us are stuck with the job of raising the next generation of ungrateful little munters. (For reference, see Generation Y.)

Now, before we all hop into Ray, he does have a few very valid concerns. What would happen, he asks, if two lesbian mummies had to take their little boy to the toilets at the shopping mall? They couldn't go into his toilet. He couldn't come into theirs. OMFG! It's the end of civilisation as we know it, dogs and cats openly sleeping together, a rain of horny toads, donkeys and horses eating puppies. Chaos and madness, people. Chaos and madness.

Of course, 'normal' straight parents never, ever have that issue do they? After all I've never had to stand outside the ladies, while my daughter went in. Oh no, I just kick in the door and enter with a mighty pirate laugh, "Yaarrhhaaaarrr! Avast ye scurvy wenches we have need of fillin' yer bilges, yaaaarrr." Yes, I find that usually deals with any residual awkwardness.

Of course, Ray Hopper is just the comedy relief in this so-called debate. Lined up behind this clown you have more serious players like the churches and Lawrence Springborg, the Deputy Opposition Leader in Queensland, who thinks that letting a gay man or woman raise a surrogate child is some sort of "loopy left-wing ideal", and that there is no community call for it. Well, no, probably not in a community made of poofter bashers and gimlet eyed bigots who'd thrill to this latest outbreak of homophobia. But who's to say Lawrence's views represent the Queensland community as a whole?

The worst parents I know are all straight people. And not just the sort of vile creatures you see on the news after they've been arrested for the medieval torture and murder of children theyshould never have been allowed to conceive. But normal parents. Nice, middle-class, heterosexual mums and dads who, for whatever reason, just aren't up for it. Some of them just don't like being parents. The unending sacrifice, the poverty, the frustration, the occasional horror of it all. It's just not for them, ever. And they make bad parents because of that.

And then there's the rest of us, who do our best, which generally means making a bumbling, half arsed, and occasionally resentful hash of it.

There are no great parents. Not all the time. But almost all of the really crap parents you'll meet are not gay. I don't know why they should then be privileged by the law, and another class of people, some of whom would make excellent, loving mothers and fathers are barred from doing so. Oh sorry, yes I do ... to satisfy the prejudices of a bunch of close minded, God-bothering arsewits.

How could I forget?


Jason and Adrián said...

Great post. If you can stomach it, here's a gem from an elected official in New Hampshire about why my ilk shouldn't be allowed to get married:


Will and Michael said...

Fantastic!!! Had a great laugh reading this!!! Is great to see Queensland finally trying to catch up to the rest of Aus.... We still have a long way to go as a country though, little steps.

Amani said...


Well someone should tell Ms Elliott that not all gay men engage in that and many straight couples do.

Tigerlilycat said...

LMAO - good thing we didn't have a girl as I could see Nik entering the ladies rest room like that.

So glad the law got passed, and can't believe it took something like 14 hours of debate before it did.

Doug R said...

LOVED THIS. Great post. Thanks for sharing!!!!