Thursday, March 25, 2010

Super ugly crappy stuff ... and the highlight of my month

We are 23 weeks as of last Monday.

This means we are 24 weeks this coming Monday. Baby measures above and all over the place as usual, but baby is doing well. Our SM R is doing well. I have elected to not receive more scans until 30-32 weeks. Those of you know who have followed our story for a long time, it must be over a year and more than 500 posts, will know the fear and paranoia we have suffered. You will also know the super horrible, lies and misinformation we went through with our last clinic.

For us to get to this stage, to actually have on tap a fortnightly scan and information, and for us t say, "Nope, we are okay" ... you will know this is a very big leap of faith for us. But we feel such calm, such trust in our doctors and our clinic, and we know that at 24 weeks, there is still a very long way to go. But if something goes wrong, we truly are okay, and we don't want to keep opening the oven door to see if the cake in baking.

For those who have followed our journey to til now - thank you!!! Thank you for caring and for being interested in our struggle and being interested enough to email us and tell us you are there. Your care is so very much appreciated!!! For every person that cares, there is always another arsehole who will send an anonymous comment telling us we are the Anti-Christ - yes we get that shit, but we know they are deluded individuals, so they don't matter in our eyes or in God's eyes.

Why the thanks?!
I got a bunch of flowers delivered to me today. Wow! I have had no-one send me flowers in the past ten years. Hubby doesn't do it because I told him the day we met it is a waste of money and I would prefer him go plant shopping with me, which we regularly do. But to get a surprise bunch of flowers, wow, it made me cry. I got goosies and I wept despite myself. To the people who sent them (obviously one of our online surro family people), thank you so very very much!!! You know I am a tough arse at the best of times, but crap, you made me weep and you touched me to the bottom of my heart. That's a hard thing for anyone to do. THANK YOU!!!!

The other good
Perth had a tropical storm. Haha! I come from Brisbane and the type of storm we had in Perth happens in Brisbane at least 3 times per season. Poor old Perth got a crap load of hail, a lot of damage was done, and it was a 1 in 50 year event. I personally thought the whole experience was rather mundane. We got loads of rain, our new roof worked, so did our new gutters. Lucky for us we lost no power. BUT my poor 24" iMac got fried and I lost my hard drive. Ouch! My computer isa my lifeline to my business and to much of my world. ... and she is in the fix-it shop, along with 1000 other computers that were fried, and I have no idea when she will come home. For now, I have email access via Bob's crap arsed PC ....

The devastating

We had very bad, traumatic and just purely horrible loss this past week. It was horrendous, in every sense of the word, and I can't and won't say any more about it. It is not relevant to surrogacy in India. But it got me feeling so darned angry at God and angry at justice and angry at being angry, because it was wrong, and unfair and it happened to people who have been through so much devastation, it should never happen to them. What this experience made we really pissed of at is:

1. Why can people who don't plan for or even want to have children get pregnant so easily?

2. Why can said people drink copious amounts of alcohol, smoke cigarettes and take illicit while pregnant, then deliver who will have to been looked after for life by society?

3. Why can people (in Australia) be supported through pregnancy and get free assistance the whole way through, free medicals, free births, and then a smacking big baby bonus, then the single mothers/fathers pension ... if they decide to bother caring for baby ... and if they don't, baby can go into foster care and still be cared for?

Now this is the bit you might get upset about ... but I am so pissed off with the tragedy I have seen in the past week, I am going to say it anyway.

1. Why do people think they can contact a surrogacy clinic in India and ask for a surrogate when they are medically capable of carrying a child themselves? Just so they can save time out from their careers, or save stretch marks and the problem of getting fat "because they are pregnant?"

2. Why do couples do the leap to surrogacy at all, much less, in India, and think they will get pregnant first go, then when they don't they complain and blame the doctors/clinic?

3. Why do people complain when they have an egg donor, they get 10 A Grade quality eggs, and only a few fertilise, when they obviously have sperm issues, then blame the doctor/lab?

4. Why is the egg/egg donor/clinic/embryologist always to blame when there is a poor fertilisation rate?

5. Why can't some men realise they have CRAP sperm. CRAO sperm + good eggs = low quality embryos, and a low chance of pregnancy.

And finally
Who the hell wants twins? Speak to any of the twin parents and they will tell you twins are hard work. They will also tell you one twin is born smaller and has more difficulties than the other. They will remind you that surrogacy itself is considered high-risk pregnancy, add twins tot he mix, and you have super-high risk pregnancy.

So if you are entering into surrogacy in India, and demanding that a guarantee of twins will be put into your contract, basically, fuck off and do it quickly

To those that say to me (and others) "If we have one baby take, can we abort the pregnancy and then try a second time for twins?"

Yes, obnoxious, revolting and such a slap in the face of all of those of us who would be happy for one little baby, even if that baby had a beta of 10 or less, we all hold so much hope.

This is the end of my rant. It feels good.


Stephaniekb said...

OK, can I just say, I love it when you rant??? ;-) As a professional writer/editor who always checks and edits in an effort not to offend anyone, I love that other people have the guts to put it all out there.

Second, I have to agree about twins. If we had gotten pregant with twins, it would have been difficult conversations, because my DH was dead set against twins and I was more ambivolent. I get the desire for insta-family (not to mention, the two-for-the-price-of-one mentality.) But, people doing surrogacy do need acknowledge that twins are at a much higher risk for both infant and maternal complications, which can be both costly in the short term and life-changing in the long term.

Hope your computer is back up and at 'em soon. We'd miss you if you were offline too long!

Wasn't me who sent the flowers, but I wish it was!

Johnny and Darren said...

You have to be friggin' joking right? Who in their right mind says such things when trying for a family?

Those of us who have success via surrogacy should be blessed that we fall pregnant. This kind of wishing for twins, designer babies erks me beyond belief. Oh, and wise words from a fellow blogger - stuff the crazies!

On a happier note, congratulations on reaching 23 weeks, this is wonderful news.

Sarigirl said...

Hi Meg,
I am so glad that you off loaded that stuff. It is no good being locked up inside of you- so go Girlfriend!!!!!!!
Up till now I didnt realise that you would have to put up with pathetic clients like this.
Man, some people if they only knew what others have to go through to have one healthy baby!!!! Take very good care of yourself Meg. We all love you!!!!
Kindest regards Renee

George said...

I have realized the older i get the less i understand people, your right Amani.
As most know i am single and having twins, and totally prepared well as much as i can be for what the future has for me, i would have been more than grateful for a singleton, but twins it is.
I am in love with them totally and wonder if its possible for more love when i finally hold them im my arms.
I couldn't even bring myself to consider reducing to one, not only because of the risk of loosing both but also knowing how hard it was to get to this point, living all my life thinking i would never become a father and knowing that i terminated a life would kill me inside.

It will be hard i know, but so worth it.
ive been blessed


jojo said...

wow, how long's it been between rants, gf?

that was a goodun.

wish i'd sent u those flowers.

thank you to the person who did.

23 weeks!


(sorry u have to deal with horrible stuff)

i should send you some flowers...



Anonymous said...

Judge not lest ye be judged miss multiple surrogate lady! You have got a lot of f'n nerve judging others.

Amani said...

I will judge all i like, especially morons like you. Multiple surrogates? Two surrogates, not multiple, TWO. read it and learn 1 + 1 = 2.
So what's your problem? A bit jealous you couldn't afford to do it yourself? Had every plan of bringing home 4 babies if that's what we got. So yes, I can and I do take the high moral ground.

Why can't you let go of your fixation with me? I know I am a thoroughly gorgeous human being, but your obsession with all things Amani is getting a little boring.

WendyandTyler said...

AMEN!!! Your "rant" sounds exactly like the things that we often say...sounds like things are the same in Australia as they are here in the US :). It's nice to have a group like all of us to share your thoughts (and be validated in the process). Thank goodness for blogland :). We also agree with you that one baby at a time is amazing. Coming from an only child, it's a wonderful way to grow up as well (just in case that's what you decide)... We're getting excited for your baby to be here...