Monday, August 1, 2011

Our toddler : Wow!

When does your itty bitty baby become a toddler? I don't read the advice books on parenting, we take it as it comes, but I thought maybe Toby would be a toddler when he toddles. He isn't toddling, sure, doing a super fast crawl, and standing with one hand lightly touching a stablising surface - but you can't call it toddling.

Yesterday I consulted one of "those books" ie, the books written by people who tell you what you should do with your kid, how and when - how to tame them, how to discipline them, how to raise them et al. Pah! I get my info from Baby Masala mummy and the Tigerlilycats - been there, investigated it, abandoned most it and I get the you beaut tried and true methods of raising a little one - which thus far have never failed. Why reinvent the wheel? And said book (and a whole load of google searches for toddler) confirmed, at the age of one, your baby is no longer a baby, s/he is a toddler!!!!

Toby is toddler!!!

No way! I am shocked, dismayed, left wondering how did he get so big? Wasn't he just born?

I guess all we can do is embrace official TODDLERDOM!!!!, suck it up and prepare for what is to come, but has come all too soon. Don't let this super cute little womble in the pic below convince you he is a darling all the time!

The Kingdom of Toddler
by Toby Jai

I love food, on my terms. I grab food at any and every opportunity. I want my food, your food, any food, especially if you deny me what I want. You cannot and will never deny me!

I can feed myself. Give me that spoon, and if you don't I will scream! Don't bother giving me a second spoon to hold as a diversion ... I am onto you ... I want YOUR spoon! In fact, I want anything and everything you use cause it's gotta be better than what I am allowed to have.

You can feed me, if you must. I will take two to three spoonfuls, and eat them like a good baby should. Then I will demand the spoon, and the bowl, as is my right, and I will tip the contents of the bowl down the front of my Aviator PJs, mush the food in between my fat fingers, and rub food into my freshly washed hair, while you despair and try to keep me clean. I will go to bed smelling of dinner.

Sleep is for babies, I am no longer a baby. I will not sleep, not now not ever. I will only sleep if you lie beside me and sing me songs. I love Five Little Ducks, but will make you sing until 293,000 little ducks go out to play, because you love me and I am willful and I don't want to sleep. I will be cute and make"duck" hand movements and say "duck duck duck" and you will be so proud of me and indulge my every ounce of cuteness. Until you get sick of it ...

I will outlast your final ounce of patience. I will drift off to sleep, my eyelids will be heavy, my breathing deep and I might even expel a few cute little snores. You will think I am asleep and carefully try to sneak out of the room, and despite the fact I am incredibly overtired, and I am actually asleep, if you dare leave, I will become conscious and screammmmm!!!!! exhaling every ounce of breath from my itty bitty lungs.

I know more about the practise of controlled crying than you ever will! You tried that crap when I was half my age, it didn't work then, it won't work now. If you leave me alone, I know you are bound by the stupid book you read that you should only leave me for one minute of the age I am, even I can count that high. One. I am one - one minute mummy and daddy. I am actually 13 months now, so you can only leave me for 1 minutes and 3 seconds,without feeling incredibly guilty. I can and I will scream forever, one minute is nothing compared with my need.

I will play you against each other. I will scream "mama mama", take a break, change tack and scream "dada dada dada". You didn't know I could talk, did you!

I am beloved and extremely cute, but even I - the Tobymonster - will eventually pass out. You will tiptoe around me for the few hours or so, and if anything happens to disturb my sleep, I will scream and then you will come in with me, cuddle me and love me as I deserve.

Once I have you both in bed with me, I will wake up, fresh as a daisy - usually around 5am, regardless of what happened in the preceding 10 hours, you may be stuffed, but I want to play!!!

We've had a whole three nights of controlled crying. The results:

Night one: abject failure - finally passed out at 10pm
Night two: worked a bit, asleep by 7pm, whoot!
Night three: actually asleep after a lot of dancing around the bed at 8pm

Tough love is so hard! There is nothing quite as tragic as leaving your bubble to cry in a big ole lonely bed, in the semi-dark, sitting up flicking through a baby book all by himself ... baaaad parents!

Here is the pic of how he ended up on night one - passed, out, mid-crawl off the end of the bed.


Rhonda and Gerry W said...


Kerrie and Mark said...

Wow, what a determined little toddler!!! I wonder who he takes after?

The Heffernan's said...

Meg, I love this post! So true.

Tigerlilycat said...

LMAO!!! Try the ten minutes out of the room before going back in option. Or tell Toby it's one minute for each month he is old...

Tigerlilycat said...

LMAO!!! Try the ten minutes out of the room before going back in option. Or tell Toby it's one minute for each month he is old...

Mandy - email said...

The bed pic is sooo funny and cute!! Love it!

SwitzerTwins said...

He's just gotten so big and so adorable.. And Toby's Toddler rules applied to Riley as well.. Amazing how that works out.

Toban M said...

Hilarious blog entry Meg! I laughed out loud reading that. Especially seeing that last picture... adorable!

CocoaMasala said...

Toby is just way too cute. Look at that smile ;)

Lawrence said...

Gosh... imagine how much harder it would be if you had twins.... :-)

Stephaniekb said...

Dear Toby,
You rock! I'm in awe of the way you've whipped your big people in line. Don't ever let your mummy talk to my mommy, 'cause she's not a softie like yours.
Love, Micah

astrocat88 said...

Loved your post and especially the food scenario.

At the moment, I mop the kitchen 1 to 2x per day as Fiona at some point during feeding usually sprays/ "blows" her food all over the place (out of her mouth!). I´m thinking I would love an outdoor patio where we could feed her. Afterwards, we would hose down the patio and the high-chair(and Fiona? ;)